Hello Self!

Just returned from a beautiful wedding in Devon - my Godson, lots of friends and family—it was truly a joyful occasion. And you know the weather was so hot..... One lunchtime in town we bought bottles of water. So with one of the bottles, just fooling around, I said how hard the cap was to get off, and then after a while I had the gradual sinking realisation that actually—no matter how hard I tried—the cap wasn’t coming off at all! 

So I leaned the bottle on a wall outside a pub, and sawing slowly and gently away at the plastic with a pen-knife, twisting harder and harder and doing a lot of looking and breathing—it still would not budge. But I was being Mindful and not forcing anything at all and really taking my time and quite enjoying the moments. 

Suddenly, a disembodied hand appeared from under a screen on the wall and a voice said, “Do you want a hand with that mate?! (He must have been watching this little scene all along through the gap) So I gave the unseen person the bottle and quick as a flash he had the top off in no time and handed it back to me. It was so funny. It was hilarious. I said thanks and peeking round the corner of the screen saw him return to his group sitting around a table. I swear there was something wrong with the manufacture of the cap on that particular bottle—I didn’t want anyone to think I wasn’t strong enough to open a water bottle! Hello Self!! There you are again.....

Mindful Car Parking

So Legoland on the hottest day of the year was my daughter’s idea of a fun day out just for me and my granddaughter—with millions of other people there who had the free entry tokens, coach-loads of them! 

And it was fun and we did enjoy ourselves, until at the end of the day, I realized the fatal mistake of not having made a note of where we had parked the car. Not very Mindful. So I was able to be Mindful then, noticing all my catastrophising thoughts and seeing the reactions of Romily who variously in the space of seconds, went from very upbeat and positive to tear-shuddering cries of despair that we would never find the car and we’d have to walk home (60 miles). 

Slowly and Mindfully we reconstructed our memory of arriving and bit by bit together we found the little Smart car and boy was I glad! Needless to say I now have an app for finding your car in a car park—so all I have to do is be Mindful enough to remember to use it!

British Grand Prix

Silverstone, British Grand Prix last week - and I was there! It was a joyous and really memorable occasion for me and my brother on a boys day out. The senses came alive to the roar and scream of the engines, the masses of excited people and the glaring heat. We had a terrific grandstand view and there was so much going on it was dizzying to take it all in. 

And what caught my attention - in a way - had nothing to do with the race. It was a young man in a wheelchair at the front of the stand. Dressed in white vest and shorts, his left arm was missing from the shoulder, his right lower leg was missing below the knee and he was covered in scars. He must have been no more than 20, had a perfect face; untouched by violence, close-cropped hair, and the brightest smile - the brightest smile you could ever wish for - the untroubled smile of a young man really enjoying himself. He was completely relaxed, wheeling back and forth to chat to his friends having fun and crossing his legs to stretch out on the barrier - absolutely no sense of shame, embarrassment, awkwardness, insecurity or anything, just really together within himself and almost balletic in his poise. 

I told myself he must be a soldier - one of many injured in this way. The thing is, he was getting on with his life and he was fully appreciating every moment of it. I was moved to tears hidden and enveloped by the crowd. I will never forget him and I am so grateful to have witnessed this passing moment.

Bee Fly

Have you ever seen a ‘Bee Fly’? Not a joke - it’s a fly masquerading as a bee. I had no idea they existed until I saw a TV programme recently. They look a bit like a bumble bee, but they only have two wings which they beat 100 times a second! (How’s that for life’s unfolding and changing moments - moment to moment?)The other distinctive feature is their long proboscis which looks a bit fearsome as though it might give you a sting, but in fact they just use it to feed on the pollen and nectar from flowers.  

I look for them now in the garden and have seen quite a few up-close buzzing away - they are beautiful! Reminds me that there are many more things in life I haven’t yet noticed. Am I really seeing? I have to be careful not to get carried away with what my mind tells me about these things and just see and directly experience them as they are,

as each moment unfolds.

Funny Mind

Maybe it’s a ‘man thing’ but I’ve noticed that I have a tendency to leave things - you know to put things off. So for instance I’ll be making a sandwich and instead of putting stuff away afterwards I’ll kind of say to myself I’ll do it later – same with putting away clothes, tools I might be working with or anything really. It has been really useful to notice this Mindfully because now I’m more likely to take my time calmly putting things away - no need to put things off. 

My mind tells me often that there are more important things to do than what I’m doing in that moment, or it will notice something and then say…. not yet. So now I listen differently, smile to myself and usually just get on with the whole thing rather than what my mind tells me. It’s not become a rule to follow, more an added awareness to notice. Seems to be a sense of wholeness there more of the time now. 

Anyone else have a funny mind too!?

Getting Caught Out by Mindlessness Again

The other day I was coming home from town and approaching a pedestrian crossing. As I pressed the button at the crossing, I noticed a couple of cyclists sitting astride their bikes right next to me, one looking at his phone. I was intently focused on waiting for the lights to change, when the guy with phone said to me, “Excuse me can you help?” and I said, “Yes, sure”. The next thing I knew, the lights changed and I found myself saying, “Sorry, got to cross now!” I saw his surprise and disappointment as I began to walk across the road, but strangely I didn’t look back, and went on my way. I wasn’t in a hurry, I didn’t have anything in particular on my mind – I had just been on auto-pilot I suppose. On reflection, it was a bit rude and mindless of me and I did feel kind of bad about it. I should have stayed and tried to help rather than just going across the road.

It is so easy to be caught out and it can happen when you least expect it – even when you think you’re being Mindful. More practice required? I don’t think so. Just adding the recollection of this direct experience to the catalogue of direct experiences in my everyday life, so that I can learn from this and maybe next time – who knows – I will be more Mindful in those moments as they unfold!

Anyone else experience momentary lapses like this?

Silent Night

Walking back with my family after a joyful hour of carols the other evening – especially when the kids sang ‘Silent Night’ and the Guildhall clock struck seven and drowned out the song! We entered the very busy car park and heard a lot of shouting as we went back to our car. A man was standing in front of a car and he was shouting at the lady driver in a very aggressive and intimidating way saying he had every right to stand there, and she was leaning out her window and shouting back, for him to get out of the way. She edged forward and this made him worse and led to him saying that she had committed a criminal offence. 

It was pretty extreme, and there were kids in the back of her car and the man had his wife looking very worried standing outside their car. As we went by, I paused momentarily and asked who I took to be the man’s wife, what was going on. Things were clearly set to continue and I had the idea that if only the lady in the ‘offending’ car would just sit down, lock her doors and windows, everything would be alright, because he would calm down and let it go. Anyway, I thought better of getting involved, and we returned to our car and went on our way leaving them to who knows what?

Where is the Mindfulness in this? Well I wish I had been more Mindful and quick thinking enough to say what I thought might help, but on the other hand, perhaps by not getting involved I preventing other stuff from happening. I suppose the thing is, that none of it needed to happen if the two people had been Mindful of what was likely to unfold if they continued behaving the way they did. It only takes one person being Mindful for much heat to vanish from a situation. That’s why being Mindful in everyday life is so important, because by our own awareness and choice of behaviours in tricky situations, we can make things worse or let stress go bit by bit so it doesn’t build up to something like this. It is also amazing to think how much impact a thing like this has on so many people too; those involved, bystanders, recounters….. What do you think?

Having a running commentary whilst driving

Somebody mentioned this and it reminded me of something we used to do in Gestalt, saying “At this moment I’m aware of…..” It was very useful in staying Present. I also remembered the research I did a long time ago with the British School of Motoring into the effect of stress and personality, correlated with passing or failing the driving test. It seemed that those people in my study who were introverted and predisposed to stress, and who were more careful and tended to try hard to get things right, were more likely to fail the test. I proposed that was because they became too stressed under examination and their performance in driving under test conditions was badly affected so they were failed. Whereas those who were extrovert and less prone to stress (usually young men) were more likely to pass the test because they just got on and performed. In conclusion I proposed that we should construct a different kind of driving test to enable the stressed people to perform more to their ability because the young men who were being passed were the ones who were having all the accidents soon after passing their test - they took greater risks and were more aggressive. In retrospect, I guess one thing I might have been saying, was that the introverts were Mindful, but in a self-conscious and self-protective way – so not properly Aware, and the others were Mindful just sufficiently for the self-promoting purpose of impressing the examiner and passing the test. Maybe this says that when we think about being Mindful for a ‘purpose’ we are not really being Mindful, or turning to face the reality of ‘What is’ – otherwise known as being ‘Choicelessly Aware”. The introverts were really focused on the fear of failing, in a self-protective way, and the extroverts were really focused on achieving success in a self-promoting way – both concerned primarily with the SELF. Anyway, to my way of thinking, safer driving equates to more Mindful driving, whatever the circumstances, and there are so many internal and external ways in which we can be distracted from really being present to what is actually happening as each moment unfolds when we drive. I like what Thich Nhat Hanh says we should do when getting into our car - Just sit there and before we even start up, breathe and say….”My car goes fast, I go fast!” A brilliant reminder!! And noticing all those missed and lost moments when we forget to be Mindful and then waking up to what has happened or could have happened, and the commentary and judging of the mind. Scary at times isn’t it? All this driving is a wonderful opportunity for remembering the Mindful Awareness which is available to all of us in everyday life.

Is People-Watching being Mindful?

I was recently asked the question:- ‘Is People-Watching’ being Mindful?' Well Yes, definitely it is, provided we’re watching the Mind as much as the people! Anything the mind is aware of is Mindfulness. So this people-watching would be an ideal opportunity to Notice and Remember to be Mindful of the Mind, partly because the mind can be so judgemental. As you know, we often make our minds up about someone based on first impressions of the way they look or sound. We can notice this tendency of the mind and anything that comes up such as changing feelings, thoughts and even physical reactions. There is plenty to notice when People–Mind–Watching!

Then there’s the other question:- ‘Frequent Mindful moments, or long periods of Mindfulness’ – which is ‘better’? When we think in terms of which is ‘better’ or ‘worse’, according to Mindfulness, we may not be accepting things just as they are. The fact to acknowledge is that you Notice you are constantly swept away by your thoughts. In Mindfulness, ‘nothing more to do here’ – just Noticing that the mind is swept away, is enough. Also, there’s the tendency we all have to want to be ‘soothed’. Wanting to hang on to a comforting thought is very natural. We can be Mindful of that too, as a thought to be aware and let go of. So in Mindfulness there’s always that letting go, and that sense of no effort. In this way, we don’t have to achieve anything, neither frequent moments of Mindfulness, nor long periods of Mindfulness. We learn that ‘What is, just is’. This is the Mindfulness of acceptance and being kind to self.

An everyday moment caught on camera

This is a moment of Everyday Mindfulness I caught today when walking back from town. I would never have seen it had my wife not spotted the leaf and pointed it out to me. How many other events in life do we walk right past without noticing? I wrote this poem about it, and you can see the video here. Mindful Leaf 

Caught on Camera Saved in Memory

Invisible filament

Suspending time for a moment

Small autumn leaf right there

Butterfly spinning dancing

Two metres from earth

Reaching to settle

Debating seasons gravity

Just hanging waiting showing

Caught on camera

Cars go by

People go by

Oblivious to the display

This one-off

Never to be repeated

Performance

Flying in the face of awareness

Just a leaf

For a moment caught on camera

Following your every move

Breath held

Blackbird calls to attention

Plays the tune

You flutter falter

Sliding out of shot

Easing loose

Gently falling

Joining friends on the ground

Uploaded preserved uplifting

Registered

Remembered

Replayed

Replanted

Never far from tree

Now I see

Thanks for showing me

Saved in memory

Colin Eveleigh